I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
