There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize