Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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