so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
