I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
