Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
