Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize