I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
