Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
