I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
