And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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