Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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