I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How's work?
Spinning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
