Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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