i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
