I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
True strength comes from lack of pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
