omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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