Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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