I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
