I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
