Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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