Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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