i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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