she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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