i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
