She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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