How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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