Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Enjoy the penises
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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