Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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