R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
