I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
