He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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