I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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