How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Non-Jews are for practice
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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