dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
