My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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