I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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