proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
