Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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