Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
