do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
