my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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