his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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