exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
