And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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