His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
