Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
