Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
