areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
