My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
