My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
